Confessions of a Coffee Snob

Ok be forewarned I will sound like a complete snob here but we all have our flaws right?

So the other morning we were out of coffee.  *Gasp* As I’m sure you can imagine, the Mr. and I drink coffee to help us peel open our eyes and function in the morning.  I walk almost blindly, with my hands waving in front of me to not bang into or trip on anything (especially children that would be bad) to the espresso machine and robotically perform the same exact function every morning.

We actually really enjoy coffee.  It’s something we like to make with care.  We take the time to sit and enjoy drinking it while it’s hot. (Actually, no we don’t, half of the time the coffee gets microwaved 5 times before I take the first sip but let’s pretend)

http://www.k-west.co.uk/k-news/

We have an espresso machine at home and our secondary choice of preparing our coffee is with a French press.  We have a manual frother, cinnamon shakers and so many fun espresso and latte cups.  We have wooden and glass coffee stir spoons so not to negatively affect the crema.  We buy beans and have a grinder to grind the beans fresh every day.  We bring the French press with us when we go camping and the espresso machine comes with us to the cottage.  I even carry one of these in my purse…

http://www.ahalife.com/signup/?utm_source=Pinterest

 No, I’m just kidding but if you ever wanted to send me a gift for whatever reason I would like one please.

I told you, we are coffee snobs and it gets worse.

My favorite dessert is an alcoholic coffee, any kind will do but I prefer a B52 Coffee.  I would rather this for dessert than a cake or pie.  And no it’s not because of the alcohol it’s because I like the coffee and the whipped cream (let’s pretend again ok?)

The best way is like this:

http://www.scienceofdrink.com/2008/01/22/b-52/langswitch_lang/en/

 So the other morning we were out of coffee.  It was a Sunday and the Mr. usually makes the coffee on Sunday mornings (yes I know he’s awesome) It was early, no stores are ever open that early on a Sunday and all we had in the cupboard was instant coffee.  Why you might ask do snobby coffee drinkers have instant coffee in the house?  My Mum loves instant coffee it’s her preferred method so I always have it on hand for her (yes, I’m such a nice daughter aren’t I?)  Sorry if this post offends you Mum but we’ve had this laughable argument in my kitchen many a time.

Instant coffee tastes like it still comes from this era:

http://thinkofthat.net/inspiration/

 Anyway my loving Mr. knows how much I love a coffee in the morning so he sees only the instant and decides to check online how to brew the best instant coffee.

That is the funniest thing I have ever heard.

The website that he found told how to brew the perfect cup of instant coffee.  WHAT??!!

There is no such thing as a perfectly brewed instant cup of coffee no matter what you do.  It’s boiling water and instant coffee grains, crystals or whatever they are called.

The website went on to say that you must first add half of the water and to stir the instant coffee to let it dissolve then fill up the rest of the cup with water.

WHAT!!??

Have you ever, ever, EVER had a lumpy cup of instant coffee? Well other then possibly having curdling milk or cream in it (ewww) It’s like powder milk it just dissolves instantly, hence the name.  No matter the volume of water.  Nonsense.

So my loving husband followed the instructions, brought me my coffee in bed and with a smirk proceeded to tell me about his search, attempt and execution of making the perfect cup of instant coffee while I laughed the coffee out of my nose and had to do yet again one more load of laundry….